How to Introduce Your Pet to Your New Partner

People usually land on this topic when a new partner is becoming a regular presence at home and the pet’s reactions feel hard to read: a dog that suddenly barks at the door, a cat that vanishes under the bed, or a normally calm animal that snaps when approached. These moments matter, because a rushed first impression can turn into a long-running pattern of stress, avoidance, or defensive behaviour.

The aim is simple: keep everyone safe, protect your pet’s sense of security, and help your partner become a familiar, low-pressure part of the household. The most reliable path is slow exposure, clear boundaries, and rewards for calm behaviour—guided by what your individual animal is showing you in real time.^{1, 2}

Read your pet first: what “stress” looks like up close

Pets don’t need to “like” a new person straight away. They need to feel safe. Stress often shows up as small changes before it becomes obvious: shifts in appetite, sleep, toileting, grooming, and social behaviour. Some signs can also point to pain or illness, so it’s worth treating sudden changes as a health check as well as a behaviour issue.²

Common stress signals in dogs

• Turning the head away, avoiding eye contact, backing off, hiding
• Showing the whites of the eyes (“whale eye”), panting when it’s not hot, drooling more than usual
• Freezing, stiff posture, growling, snapping, or sudden “unusual” aggression²

Common stress signals in cats

• Hiding more, staying very still, avoiding rooms where the new person is
• Flattened ears, crouching, arched back, hissing or growling
• Over-grooming (sometimes to bald patches), appetite changes, litter-tray changes or spraying^{2, 3}

Set your partner up to succeed (before the first hello)

Your pet will pay attention to tone, speed, and body shape long before they take in anyone’s intentions. Brief your partner on what “calm” looks like for your animal, what to avoid, and where the pet can retreat without being followed.

Share the basics that matter

• Daily routine: feeding times, walks, play, rest zones
• Handling rules: where your pet likes (and doesn’t like) being touched, and when to leave them alone
• House boundaries: beds, couches, crates, cat trees, feeding areas

Make the “chill-out zone” non-negotiable

Keep a quiet space available where your pet can opt out—another room, a crate (if crate-trained), or a high perch for cats. The rule is simple: if the pet chooses distance, let that choice stand.⁴

The first meeting: calm, short, and slightly boring

The first encounter sets the rhythm. Aim for neutral, low stakes, and easy exits.

Choose a neutral starting point when you can

For many dogs, meeting outdoors first—on neutral ground—reduces territorial pressure and gives everyone more space. Keep greetings loose and unforced, and reward calm behaviour.¹

Keep energy down

• Ask your partner to stand side-on rather than looming face-on.
• Use a soft voice. Move slowly. Avoid prolonged staring.
• Skip excited greetings and wrestling play early on.

Don’t force contact

No reaching over the head. No hugging. No “let them sniff your face”. If your pet approaches, your partner can offer a relaxed hand low and still, or simply allow a quick sniff and then look away again. The message is: nothing bad happens when this person appears.

Go slow on purpose: gradual exposure that actually works

Think in short visits that end while things are still calm. With cats and cautious dogs especially, the pace that feels “too slow” to people is often the pace that prevents setbacks.

Start with short, frequent sessions

A few minutes, then a break. Repeat. If stress signals appear, step back to an easier version next time (more distance, shorter duration, quieter setting). This “two steps forward, one step back” pattern is normal during social adjustment.⁵

Let your pet choose distance

Allowing your pet to initiate contact—rather than being held in place for it—reduces the feeling of being trapped, which is where fear and defensive behaviour often start.

Use rewards to build a good association (and avoid making it worse)

Reward-based training is the safest default for building new social comfort. It strengthens behaviour you want (quiet, relaxed body language, polite greetings) and helps your pet link your partner’s presence with predictable good outcomes.⁶

How your partner can help with rewards

• Begin by gently tossing treats away from their body, so the pet can eat and retreat without pressure.
• Reward calm moments: four paws on the floor, relaxed posture, choosing to settle nearby.
• Use play only if your pet stays loose and happy—stop before arousal tips into mouthing or zooming.

Keep rewards clean and consistent

Be careful with praise that ramps your dog up, or with pats that a cat tolerates rather than enjoys. Food, space, and calm predictability tend to land better early on.

If things go sideways: handling fear or aggression safely

Growling, hissing, snapping, lunging, or freezing are not “naughtiness”. They are distance-increasing signals. Treat them as information: your pet is over threshold and needs more space.

Immediate steps

1. Create space without drama. Have your partner stop moving, turn side-on, and step back. You calmly guide your pet away or behind a barrier.
2. Reset the environment. Remove high-value triggers (food bowls, bones, favourite toys) from shared areas during early visits to reduce conflict risk.¹
3. Don’t punish warning signals. Punishing a growl can suppress the warning while leaving the fear in place, which increases bite risk.
4. Check health. If reactivity is new or escalating, book a vet visit—pain and illness can drive sudden behaviour change.²

When to bring in a professional

If you’re seeing repeated aggression, intense fear, or you can’t keep everyone safely separated when needed, involve a qualified behaviour professional early (your vet can refer you). It’s far easier to shape this at the beginning than to unwind it after months of rehearsal.

Involving your partner in care (without unsettling the routine)

Once your pet is coping with visits, shared care can help familiarity: a quiet walk, preparing meals, or calm play at the same time each visit. Keep your pet’s schedule steady and add new involvement in small pieces, watching for stress signals as you go.⁴

Monitor progress: what “better” usually looks like

Improvement is often subtle. Look for softer body language, quicker recovery after a startle, and more choice-based proximity (your pet choosing to be in the same room, then choosing to rest). If progress stalls, reduce intensity—shorter visits, more distance, fewer hands-on attempts—and rebuild from the last calm point.

References

1. RSPCA Australia Knowledgebase: How should I introduce my new dog to my existing dog?
2. RSPCA Pet Insurance (Australia): Stress in pets – what to look out for
3. RSPCA (UK): Understanding your cat’s behaviour (signs of stress and problems)
4. RSPCA Queensland: Introducing new pets to others (including meeting new people)
5. RSPCA Australia Knowledgebase: How should I introduce my new dog or puppy to my existing cat?
6. American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior (AVSAB): Position statements (Humane Dog Training)