Children and Pet Loss

Most families land here when they need words for a hard moment: telling a child that a pet has died, or preparing them for an imminent goodbye. The details matter. Vague explanations and soft euphemisms can leave kids confused, worried, or quietly blaming themselves.

Below is a practical, age-aware guide to helping children understand death through pet loss, with clear language, steady reassurance, and small rituals that give grief somewhere to go. If you’re seeing signs your child is stuck or overwhelmed, there are also cues for when to seek extra support.^{1, 2}

First, a quick correction

The breed details at the top (Golden Retriever) don’t match the rest of the draft, which refers to a Chinese Shar-Pei. Breed choice isn’t a reliable “grief support” tool, and no specific dog breed is known to help children through bereavement in a predictable way. What helps most is a calm adult, honest language, and room to remember.^{1, 2}

Why children’s grief needs to be acknowledged

For many children, a pet’s death is their first close encounter with the idea that a living thing can be gone, permanently. Grief can show up in short bursts, in behaviour, or in repeated questions that seem to circle the same point. None of that is unusual.³

The most useful stance is simple: let the feelings exist in the open. When adults name the loss plainly and stay available, children learn that sadness, anger and worry can be carried without being hidden or feared.^{2, 3}

Helping children understand death (without frightening them)

Honesty works best, but it needs to be sized to the child. Young children often think death is temporary; older children usually want more detail and may ask blunt questions. Expect to repeat yourself. They are testing the edges of a new reality.³

Use clear, concrete language. Many child-health experts recommend avoiding euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “went away”, because they can create confusion and, for some children, fears around sleep or separation.^{2, 3}

Plain language can be gentle:

• “Bella died. That means her body stopped working. She can’t feel pain now, and she won’t come back.”³
• “It’s OK to feel sad or angry. I feel sad too.”^{2, 3}

Explaining pet loss to children: dos and don’ts

Do

• Tell them promptly, in a familiar place, with time for questions.³
• Use the words “died” and “death” (then explain what that means in body terms).³
• Invite feelings without steering them: some children cry, some go quiet, some play, some get angry.²
• Let them say goodbye, if possible and if they want to, in a way that feels safe.^{3, 4}

Don’t

• Don’t say the pet “ran away” or “went away”. It can leave children waiting, scanning the street, or blaming themselves for not preventing the disappearance.^{2, 5}
• Don’t link death with sleep (“put to sleep”, “gone to sleep forever”) for younger kids; it can be confusing and sometimes scary.^{2, 3}
• Don’t rush “moving on” or immediately replace the pet. A new animal can’t patch a fresh bond, and many children need time to integrate the loss first.³

Coping strategies that actually help

Children cope through doing. A small action gives shape to something that otherwise feels shapeless.

• Keep routines steady (school, meals, bedtime), while allowing extra softness around the edges.²
• Make space for remembering: talk about funny habits, favourite walks, small ordinary moments.¹
• Create something tangible: a memory box, drawings, a framed photo, a page of stories family members add to over time.^{1, 4}
• Watch for guilt (“I didn’t pat her enough”, “I was mean yesterday”) and answer it plainly: “You didn’t cause this.”^{3, 6}

Rituals and memorials: gentle closure, not a performance

A ritual doesn’t need to be grand. It just needs to mark the change. Some children want to be involved in a burial or a small ceremony; others prefer a quiet act later, once the first shock has passed.^{1, 3}

Options that often work well:

• Writing a short message to place with the pet (or to keep in a box).^{1, 5}
• Planting a tree or small garden, or placing a painted stone as a marker.^{1, 4}
• A “story night” where everyone shares one memory, then stops—before children are overwhelmed.¹

Guilt and regret: what to listen for

After a pet dies, children may try to build a cause-and-effect story they can control. That’s where guilt creeps in. You might hear:

• “It’s my fault because I forgot to feed him.”
• “She died because I wished she’d go away.”
• “If I was nicer, she’d still be here.”³

Respond with calm certainty, then keep the door open:

• “You didn’t make this happen.”³
• “Grown-ups and the vet did what they could.”³
• “We can miss her and still remember you looked after her.”¹

When to seek professional help

Most children grieve without needing formal therapy, but extra support can help if grief begins to derail daily life. Consider professional help if your child:

• Can’t return to usual routines over time (school refusal, persistent withdrawal).
• Has ongoing sleep problems, strong anxiety, or persistent low mood.
• Seems overwhelmed and “stuck”, or talks repeatedly about wanting to die or self-harm (seek urgent help).^{2, 3}

In Australia, specialist bereavement support is available for children and families, including counselling services designed for childhood grief.⁷

Final thoughts

Pet loss is often a child’s first lesson in permanence. The aim isn’t to make grief disappear. It’s to make it speakable—named plainly, carried together, and slowly woven into family memory with the ordinary steadiness of daily life.^{1, 3}

References

1. National Centre for Childhood Grief (Australia) — The death of a pet
2. RSPCA Tasmania — Grieving for a lost pet
3. American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry — When a Pet Dies (Facts for Families)
4. American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) — When a pet dies: how to help your child cope
5. FOUR PAWS Australia — Coping with the death of a pet
6. St. Louis Children’s Hospital — When your family pet dies
7. National Centre for Childhood Grief (Australia) — Services
8. UCLA Health — Tips for handling pet loss with children